"Feelings pt. 1"

I can’t remember anything anymore. The words I said to my girlfriend earlier, yeah, I wish I could recall. I was trying to think about what I did today, but my mind literally could not wrap itself around it. It was too clouded with visions of my future. That honestly is all I think about anymore, and I keep wondering, “Maybe I should focus on the here and now.”

Memories of myself forgetting things in the past become vivid when I think about them. Does this simple fact reveal a flaw in my theory? Personally, I don’t think it does because I cannot remember the present. I always used to forget simple things: where I put my keys, my social security number, my mom’s birthday. Now, I not only forget my memories, I forget what I am doing while I am doing it. 

Reading... “Stand thee close, then, under this penthouse, for it drizzles rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee.” I am amazed at his words but more so with the author’s. Suddenly, I forget who was speaking and cannot remember the very words I just read. Sadly, I put the book down because I know I will fail to comprehend the story’s complexity. I want to understand badly. Which story am I talking about?

Sometimes my forgetfulness depresses me. I become a menace on those days, failing to get back to my friends with whom I had made important scheduled plans as the grown man I claim I am. Unfortunately, my manliness is lost there when I bail on those closest to me due to my startled state of mind. My state of mind is clear as the sky was at the baseball game the other night when under the lights I still swore I saw stars.

It is not as though I am worried for my future self and the worsening of my current state. My thoughts cannot help but think of my girlfriend, hopefully my wife by then, in twenty years trying to help me remember all of the things I should not be forgetting. This alone makes me want to change my ways immediately, but disproves Point 2810 which states, “I am not the problem. It is something else that is making me feel this way.”